When Siblings Fight
You are refereeing the same fight for the fourth time today.
Less refereeing. Clearer boundaries. Better repair.
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- 80 pages
- Instant download
- Written by K P S Moeller
- Personal support
One evening of reading and writing, and you finish with your own plan on paper — not another article to remember.
Free advice says let them work it out. This tells you exactly when not to, and gives you the intervention and repair wording on paper before the next fight.
Write your unsafe-versus-uncomfortable line and pick the one fight that repeats most, then use that section only. That is a real result, and you never have to finish all 80 pages.
Taking more than one? Any 2 guides save 15 percent, and the full library saves 25.
Sold by LouLouEntertainment, Stockholm. Payment handled by Stripe, download delivered instantly and emailed to you. Questions answered personally at hello@parentinglifelab.com.
When you finish the Core pass, you'll have this written down
- Your three-second rule for unsafe versus uncomfortable
- The four repeating fights in your house, named
- Words for stepping in when you did not see what happened
- A repair routine that does not rely on forced apologies
- Your 7-day test of refereeing less on purpose
How it is used
- 1Core60–90 minutesRead it in one evening and fill in your own plan as you go.
- 27-day testOne weekRun the plan for a week. One small change per day, nothing rebuilt overnight.
- 3Deep DiveWhen it breaksCome back to the section for the situation that went wrong, and adjust.
80 pages in total, Core first and Deep Dive after.
The mechanism, step by step
01See your role
You write down where you currently stand: referee, coach or bystander, and how it changes when you are tired.
02Set the three-second rule
Unsafe or uncomfortable becomes one written distinction you can apply from the next room.
03Name the four fights
Toys and territory, fairness, attention and turn-taking get separated, because each one needs a different move.
04Hold boundaries without a villain
You script how to protect one child without casting the other as the problem.
05Replace forced apologies
A repair routine that asks for something real instead of performance.
06Test for 7 days
One week of deliberately refereeing less, with a place to record what actually happened.
This works with one adult. It changes what you do when a fight starts, so it does not depend on the other parent running the same system.
If you only have 20 minutes
Write your unsafe-versus-uncomfortable line and pick the one fight that repeats most, then use that section only. That is a real result, and you never have to finish all 80 pages.
It starts over a chair. Or a colour of cup. Or who looked at whom. And within ninety seconds you are standing in the hallway trying to establish the truth of an event you did not see.
The goal is not zero fighting. Sibling conflict is normal and it is how a lot of social skill gets built. Being the permanent referee is the part that does not have to continue.
This workbook is for the fights that repeat. Same trigger, same escalation, same exhausted adult deciding who started it.
This is not a fairness court
Most sibling advice quietly asks you to become a better judge: gather evidence, decide who was wrong, apply a proportional consequence. That is an enormous job, and it teaches children to bring you cases instead of solving them.
This guide replaces judging with two clearer questions. Is this unsafe, or is this uncomfortable? And whose problem is it to solve?
What changes is not the number of conflicts in week one. It is how much of each one lands on you.
What is inside the workbook
10 short parts across Core and Deep Dive, written to be used rather than read once.
- 01
Where you actually stand
A short map of your current role: referee, coach, bystander, or all three depending on how tired you are.
- 02
Safety versus discomfort
The single distinction that decides whether you intervene at all, written so it works in three seconds.
- 03
The four repeating fights
Toys and territory, fairness, attention, and turn-taking, and what each one is really about.
- 04
Stepping in without judging
What to say when you did not see it and never will know who started it.
- 05
Boundaries that hold
How to protect one child without casting the other as the villain of the family.
- 06
Repair without forced apologies
Why "say sorry to your sister" teaches performance, and what to ask for instead.
- 07
Age gaps and different needs
Adjusting expectations when one child is four and the other is eleven, or when one needs extra support.
- 08
Blended and two-home families
Conflict rules that survive different houses, different adults and different weeks.
- 09
The 7-day test
A week of doing less refereeing on purpose, with a place to record what actually happened.
- 10
Low-energy mode
The two-rule version for the weeks when you have nothing left to give.
A look inside
3 of 80 pages shown at full size. Nothing here is a mock-up — these are the pages you print.
This is for you if
- You are tired of being asked to judge every conflict
- The same fights repeat around toys, space, fairness or attention
- You want to know when to intervene and when to let them practise
- You want repair that means something instead of a forced apology
Probably not for you if
- You want a guarantee that the fighting stops
- One child is genuinely afraid of another, or there is repeated injury. That needs professional support, not a workbook.
- You are looking for a diagnosis of a developmental or behavioural condition
What this is built on
This workbook is not original research. It is a practical translation of work by people who did the research, tested against one ordinary family over several months. Here is what was read while writing it, and what each book actually contributed.
Siblings Without Rivalry — Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
The core move of the workbook: describing the problem instead of delivering a verdict.
The Whole-Brain Child — Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
Why a child in a flooded state cannot negotiate, and what has to happen before any fairness conversation.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings — Laura Markham
Where the line between unsafe and unfair-but-safe comes from, including the repeated teasing that still needs an adult.
Book links go to Amazon and may earn a small commission at no cost to you. The full reading list behind the site is on the sources page, and the writing process is described in the methodology.
Edition 1.0 · updated August 1, 2026
- v1.0 (August 1, 2026) — First public edition. Every future revision will be listed here with the date.
Buy once and every later edition of this workbook is yours. Updates are sent to the email address you ordered with.
Questions people ask before buying
- What exactly do I get?
- A 80-page interactive PDF workbook, formatted for US Letter. Core is the first pass, Deep Dive is the troubleshooting library. Print it or fill it in digitally in any PDF reader that supports annotation.
- How is it delivered?
- Instantly. After checkout you land on a download page, and the same link is emailed to you so you can come back to it later.
- How long does it take?
- Core takes about 60 to 90 minutes, followed by a 7-day test in normal family life. Deep Dive is meant to be read in pieces, when a specific situation comes up.
- Can I get a refund?
- It is a digital file, so it cannot be returned once downloaded. If it is not what you expected, write to hello@parentinglifelab.com within 14 days and we will sort it out.
- Do I need to buy the other guides too?
- When Siblings Fight is complete on its own. The guides share a language, so they stack well, which is why two or more come with a discount — and until 31 August the 15% welcome offer stacks on top. None of them assume you own another one.
- Is there a low-energy version?
- Yes. Every guide has a low-energy mode: the smallest version of the system that still works during illness, deadlines, travel and the weeks you have nothing left.
Instant PDF workbook, Core + Deep Dive download, 80 pages. One-time payment in USD, no subscription. Written by K P S Moeller, the publishing byline of Per Moller, founder of Parenting Life Lab and sole proprietor of LouLouEntertainment (Sweden). Payments are processed securely by Stripe, with tax calculated at checkout.
By completing checkout you ask for the file to be delivered immediately and agree that your 14-day right of withdrawal ends once the download is delivered. All sales are final after that point, apart from the delivery problems listed in the refund policy.
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Less refereeing. Clearer boundaries. Better repair.
80 pages, $6.90, and about ninety minutes of reading before anything in your week has to change.
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